Your Condescension, as Always, is Much Appreciated.

I’m a little bit moody today, and so it’s making me rant about stupid shit. But here I go anyway:

There are plenty of days lately where I don’t feel like doing much of anything other than surfing the Web under a whole fuck ton of blankets (mostly because it is really cold here in Xi’an, and I really don’t want to go outside). And what I find really just irritates me to no end.  Basically, what I want to address is this ridiculous image that everyone has of himself or herself. The Internet is full of posts that say, “I am so glad we’re talking shit about the same person,” Or “You’re not a nerd; you’re just a whore who found glasses,” And this stupid Condescending Wonka meme. And on and on and on. It is basically one big forum where we all just jump on the idea that it is awesome and cool to be an asshole all the time.

So here’s my question: What do you fucking care? Honestly? You have nothing to dwell on other than how someone else lives his or her life?

Ladies: If you want to wear a Spiderman shirt with Superman shorts, and you don’t understand why those two things don’t necessarily go together, but you just think it looks cool and you want to wear it—GO AHEAD. If some dude gives you shit about “Do you even know that one of those is DC and one is Marvel? Do you even read comics?” Just punch him in the dick. Seriously. Go ahead and hit him right in the balls. Because it is ok to like something just because you like it. You don’t have to be an expert on every detail of something to like one aspect of it. Go ahead, and enjoy what you enjoy—as much or as little of it as you damn well please. If you like to play video games—go fucking play video games. If people give you shit because you’re not a “real gamer,” once again, fucking laugh as you go on and enjoy your life while not obsessing over one single thing. In fact, you go out and go into the real world and do real world shit, and then when you come home and want to play a video game for an hour—Do it. If you want to talk about how much of a good time you had playing your video game—DO IT. No one can tell you that you’re not having a good time doing something you enjoy.

Do you want to go out and have a billion drinks and sleep with every dude you meet? FANTASTIC. If that is what you want to do, then DO IT. If you can look in the mirror the next day and say, “I am so fucking happy with the way I live my life,” then you are on the right track. No one has any right to tell you otherwise.

If you have Justin Beiber, Underoath, Toby Keith, The Beatles, CKY, Lady Gaga, Bright Eyes, Jay Z and Bob Marley on your iTunes, it doesn’t make you a “poser.” It just means that you like a lot of different music. And you’re allowed. Who said that because you sometimes like to head bang to death metal, you can’t dance around to modern pop as well? Where is the rule that you have to fit into one category, and you’re not allowed to like other things? Guess what? That rule doesn’t exist! You can like whatever you want. You can listen to whatever you want. You can listen to Jim Morrison screaming, “Who do you love!?” one moment and immediately change to Kanye advising you against gold-digging women. It isn’t even difficult.

Do you have a different religion, sexual orientation, political preference, hobby, favorite food, career, favorite type of book, etc. than I do? That is wonderful, and I have no problems with that. In fact, I support the shit out of you. You chose to be in a fraternity or a sorority in college, and you love it? Great! I didn’t—I was an athlete, and I sometimes loved it. Also great! You want to stay in your hometown forever and get married and have a billion babies and live that lifestyle? AMAZING. I want to travel the world, be single and never own a home. ALSO AMAZING. Do you want to post on the Internet how much you love the shit you have or the shit you’re doing? PLEASE DO IT. I will also. What you shouldn’t be posting are things like this, “Oh, you aren’t in a sorority? Well you just don’t know anything about anything, and you’re probably a lonely, ugly, single bitch with no friends.” (That was an exaggeration. I’ve actually never seen that post before, but I’m sure it exists somewhere in Internet-land).

Here’s the thing: unless you’re going up to people and punching them in the face for no reason or setting kittens on fire, keep doing what you are doing. If you are doing things that make you happy, and you are not hurting anyone else—keep it up. This whole condescending attitude we’ve all developed is way less attractive than the “ugly whores who think they’re nerds” that the Internet has put on blast.

See, we all talk shit about people. Everyone does it. But the problem exists in this trendy fad to announce how much we talk shit about someone else. It shouldn’t be something we are proud of. I know I slip up, and I know I have said some mean shit about people, but I wouldn’t be proud publically posting something demeaning about someone because of what he or she likes or lives (and I’m not even saying I haven’t done it–I’m just saying it’s not something to glorify). You shouldn’t be proud that you’re a condescending fucking asshole. You shouldn’t be walking around going, “Look how mean I am! Look how much better I am than you!” You should be happy that other people are happy or successful or thriving. If someone wants to wear leggings as pants or Ugg boots with shorts, and she thinks she looks like a boss—thumbs up to her. You rock what you love. If someone works at a bar or as a server or bussing tables to make a living, you have no right to tell that person what he is doing is wrong. I am proud of you for having a job. If two men or two women love each other and want to be together, how is that bothering you in any way? Everyone could always use more love.

The world is a huge place full of billions of people. Literally billions. We all love differently. We all choose to do different things. We all listen to different music; get married to different people; speak different languages; wear different clothes and eat different foods. I love that you do your own thing, and you should love that I do my own thing. Because if we did the same thing, we’d live in one boring fucking place, wouldn’t we?

Well said.